Self-Talks 9: I Love You, Ma (Short Story)

(Phone Ringing) Text in Phone Screen: Calling Mama …

I am waiting for my Mama Marce to answer my call, the phone beeped and her face showed up in the rectangular glass screen, I excitedly greeted her, “Hi ‘Ma! Kumusta ka d’yan?”.

“Hello sa baby ko! Okay lang ako rito anak.”, she answered while smiling.

She is Marcelita, my mother, she works in Dubai as a domestic helper, she is the breadwinner of our family as my father died year ago already.

“Mama naman eh, 18 na ako oh, ‘wag mo na ako tawaging baby.” I told her sounding like a sulking little girl.

She laughed the sweetest and the most genuine laugh then responded, “Kahit na, ikaw pa rin ang baby ko, oo nga pala, saan si bunso?”, she is referring to my younger brother who suddenly popped out of his room and shared his face to the camera as he sat beside me.

“Oy ‘Ma! Nakita ko pictures mo sa Facebook ah? Grabe! Ang ganda ng Burj Khalifa, dalhin mo kami d’yan ha? Tapos, mag-migrate na tayo d’yan.”, with his enthusiasm, I can see the excitement in my 16-year old brother.

I stayed silent as I simply want to listen to their conversation.

“Grabe ka naman bunso, parang magtropa lang tayo ha, at, hindi ganoon kadali mag-migrate dito, nako ha.”, my mother answered, looking serious but I know that she is simply having fun with her talk with her son.

My brother answered while pouting, “Mama naman eh, alam mo namang ayaw naming dito makitira kay Tita, gusto namin na kasama ka.”

My mother smiled again, “Hayaan mo anak, nag-iipon na si Mama, tutuparin natin ang pangarap mo.”

My brother, from pouting to smiling, “Yehey, pakibilisan ‘Ma ha, excited na ako.”

“Susubukan anak, gagawin ko ang lahat para sa inyo, mapalayo man ako, mabigyan ko lang kayo ng magandang kinabukasan.”, she answered with her eyes sparkling, a sign of tears.

I snapped to my brother, “Bunso, ‘wag mo namang madaliin si Mama, hindi madali ang magtrabaho sa ibang bansa.”

My brother only answered with a little nudge. Then, I looked to my mother, “’Wag kang mag-alala ‘Ma, okay lang naman kami rito, hihintayin ka namin at ang pag-uwi mo rito.”, I told her with assurance.

Our mood seemed to be so serious right now.

“Salamat ‘nak. Pero sana, ‘pag sinabing hintay, lumabas naman kayo, makipagkapwa-tao, alam niyo, napaka-importante na may mga karanasan kayo sa pakikipagkapwa, marami kayong matututunan at lahat iyon, mahalaga sa paglaki ninyo.”, Mama advised to us.

My brother saluted with his right hand near his forehead, trying to switch the mood, “Copy ‘Ma!”. He was successful to do it as me and our mother laughed.

“Okay, okay, very good, pero mga anak, balik na muna si Mama niyo sa work ha. I love you mga anak”, Mama told us with her sweetest voice.

“Okay po! Ingat po kayo d’yan ‘Ma, we love you too!”, I answered while my brother is waving his hand.

And the call ended there.

Our mother rarely calls in a week as she has a strict employer, we are only able to consistently communicate through messaging apps and we are only able to see her through the photos she posts and sends to us. She seemed to be so fine there.

But this week has been different. Yes, we were talking through chats but she did not have any photos posted and sent to us. Today, it was good news when she said that she will be calling us.

(phone ringing) Text in Phone Screen: Mama calling …

I immediately answered the call and I was so surprised on what I saw, “’Ma, bakit ang payat niyo na?”, I asked her.

“Eh? Nagdiet lang ako anak.”, she awkwardly said.

Obviously, she is lying.

“’Ma, okay ka lang diyan?”, I asked with a worried face.

And her genuine smile showed up, “Oo naman anak, okay lang ako. Saan si bunso?”, she just changed the topic and it felt weird but I chose to believe her.

“Natutulog siya ‘Ma.”, I answered shortly.

“Ay gano’n ba, sige anak, pakisabi na lang na tumawag ako. Siya nga pala anak-“, she stopped speaking as a loud knocking sound disturbed our conversation.

(sound of door knocking)

“Nako anak, si boss ‘yan, mauna na muna ako ha, tandaan mo ang mga palagi kong bilin sa’yo at sa kapatid mo. Mahal kayo ni Mama.”, she said with a rush in her voice.

I have no choice but to let her go, “Sige po ‘Ma, mahal din namin kayo ni bunso.”.

She smiled sweetly and waved her hands, saying goodbye, before ending the call.

Now, it is already evening here, our Mama Marce usually reminds us to eat dinner on time and sleep early, but we were not able to receive one. We thought that it is simply a lapse and that Mama is still busy.

The next morning, I did not receive any good morning message from Mama, again, we thought that it is a simple lapse. I greeted her a good morning but there was no indication that she received my message.

Until that morning was followed by another morning and another one, still, we cannot contact our Mama Marce.

Now, after 3 weeks of not talking to her, I am now again able to see her in a rectangular glass screen, bigger than the usual, but still, I cannot hug her. Seeing her in person is like seeing her in a video call, I still miss her. The big difference right now is that, all I can see to her face is peace as she is not kilometers away from us anymore. If the rain falls, I know that it is her way of comforting us, if the wind blows, I know it is her way of letting us feel her hug, and if the sun shines, I know it is her way of reminding to continue our lives, even without her.

Everyone is listening as I started, “Si Mama ang pinakamabait na taong nakilala ko. Hindi niya kami pinabayaan sa bawat araw na lumipas, hindi niya kami ginutom at pinalaking hirap sa mga materyal na bagay. Higit sa lahat, hindi niya kami tinipid sa kan’yang pagmamahal na kahit na maubos na ang lahat ng para sa kan’ya, handa pa rin siya na iparamdam ang pagmamahal ng isang ina.“

I saw my brother, sitting, crying. I looked again to my mother, her white coffin looks good as she lays in it with her favorite white dress. My eyes started to get shiny, my body started to shake, and my heart started to ache.

“Hindi namin inaasahan na dahil sa pangarap niyang mabigyan kami ng magandang buhay, sarili niya namang buhay ang magwawakas. Akala namin, okay lang siya, akala namin, maayos siyang nagtatrabaho doon. Nagsisisi kami na hindi namin nakita sa mga ngiti niya na nahihirapan na pala siya, sa mukha niya na napapagod na pala siya, at sa mata niya na nahihirapan na pala siya. Ang sinapit niyang pang-aabuso sa abroad ay itinago niya sa pamamagitan ng mga masasayang larawan na ipinapakita niya sa amin, napakasakit.”, and there, my voice breaks as my heart started to break into pieces. Voices of pain started to surround the final place of my mother.

“Mama, kung nasaan ka man ngayon, I’m sorry po at hindi ko po nakita na naghihirap na pala kayo. Patawad po, kung naging pasaway po kami. Hinding-hindi ko po pababayaan si bunso. Mahal na mahal ka po namin, utang po namin sa iyo ang buhay namin.”, the pain attacked all of me, seeing my lifeless mother reminded me that we are losing her forever.

Holding a white rose, I finally said, “I love you, ‘Ma.”

The short story highlighted some important concepts about the self, here are some of if:

· The Filipino Self: the story showcased some of the remarkable Filipino culture and identity embodied by a Filipino. The story reflected how can a Filipino thinking impacts a Filipino self, it concludes that the Filipino society constructs and influences every members of such society continuously.

- The Concept of Being Family-Oriented: Filipinos are family-oriented and such remarkable distinction continues up to this generation. Filipinos are willing to go abroad just to support their families financially.

- The Concept of “Pakikipagkapwa” and “Kapwa”: Filipinos value their social relations. They usually have a large web or relatives, friends, and acquaintances. That is why they Filipino parents usually encourages their children to socialize. Moreover, choosing the right peers (or people with good influence) are important for the Filipinos as well.

- The Concept of “Utang-na-Loob”: It is common for Filipinos to think that they have “utang-na-loob” to someone who greatly influenced and helped them in their lives. Usually, Filipinos are eager to return the favor given to them. Furthermore, it has been common for Filipinos to use such concepts to their parents.

· Self in the Digital World: As observed, we Filipinos mostly tend to post good things about us and those things were people could sympathize with us. The character, Marce, used impression management in the story, she presented herself in the digital world as a happy person, she posted and sent good photos to create an impression that she is happy in Dubai, hiding the reality that she was silently abused by her employer. It is not new to everyone. There were suicide cases where the family members of the victims insist that such event is unexpected, it is because the victims presented themselves positively especially in the digital world. It imposes that what we see in the internet world is not always authentic and true.