Self-Talks 5: Unrequited Love and Peer Pressure

“Hindi ka ba crush ng crush mo? (Does your crush not like you back?)”

“TOTGA mo ba last ex mo? (Is your last ex your the one that got away?)”

Such statements are common in Wattpad Filipino Stories wherein someone has been loving someone without receiving such love in return. In this first part of article, we will talk about unrequited love.

Unrequited Love (UL)

Unrequited love happens when you feel attraction to a certain person but that person does not feel the same way how you feel. These are the types of UL that we will be discussing:

• Crush on Someone Who Is Unavailable – this happens when a person has a crush on a love object who is seldom proximal such as movie stars and celebrities. Such love objects could still influence the lovers as any events where their love objects are involved could influence and alter their behaviors, this concept is called interdependence.
• Crush on Someone Nearby Without Initiating a Romantic Relationship – potential romantic partners are nearby. Interdependence is stronger in this one as there could be interactions that could lead to friendship without revealing romantic interests.
• Pursuing the Love Object – the attraction could be sudden, called “love struck” or could be known as “love at first sight”. Pursuing the love object could result to initial or total rejection.
• Longing for a Past Lover – as the dissolution of relationships are usually not mutual (break-ups), a lover may not be able to move on and continue to be committed in the dissolved relationship. This is explained by “Frustration Attraction” where rejection produces more passion (Fisher, 2004).
• Unequal Love Relationship – once there is a romantic relationship initiated, the unequal intensity of love creates this type of UL as one may be more committed, one may be less.

Unrequited love provides low rewards with high cost. As an individual, it is important to know when to continue on loving someone and when to stop, loving could burn yourself.

“’Wag na ‘wag kang magpapakamartir sa pagmamahal. (Never ever become a martyr in love.)”,

— a common advice you could receive from your friends, however, it will be always up to you as the lover. Speaking of friends, we are reaching the second part of this article, which is a very short one, the peer pressure.

“Nako, napasama sa maling barkada, naimpluwensiyahan tuloy. (He got wrong friends, he was negatively influenced.)”

Peer Pressure

Peer pressure has been apparent even before it has been termed. Peers are one of the greatest influencers as we are in our adolescent stage. They inspire us to do things that they do. Thus, it is important for us to choose the right friends as they could redirect our future’s path.

Having the wrong peers could bring us (but not limited) to these habits:

• Smoking
• Use of Illegal Drugs
• Engagement in Premarital Sex
• Neglection of Education

How can we choose the right peers for us? Let’s find those friends where we could find our great interests and where we feel secure and safe. Knowing a group of people first before fully trusting them. Moreover, it is important for us to still seek advice from the people we trust the most, like our parents. Furthermore, we cannot live in an isolation but it could be beneficial for us to limit our group of friends to those who shares the same goal, which is to have a good life.

Reference
Bringle, R. et al. (2013) The Prevalence and Nature of Unrequited Love